Note 001: The Courage to Begin Before You're Ready

🌙 On midnight doubts, shiny rabbits, and the vulnerability of beginning a journey before knowing its end...

Last night I woke at 3:17 AM, heart racing, a cold sweat on my skin. Not from nightmares, but from something more insidious: the quiet terror of my own ambitions. The room was dark, my cat unbothered beside me, while my mind screamed a single question on repeat: Who do you think you are?

As I lay there, listening to the winter wind against my window, a second voice joined the first, softer but no less devastating: What if none of this happens?

The irony doesn't escape me. Here I am, writing a newsletter about following a golden thread to build a life between three cities, and I haven't even booked a flight yet. I'm documenting a journey that exists only in my imagination – in daydreams about Barcelona light and Mallorcan cliffs and the way the Mediterranean might smell on a February morning.

What if this is just another shiny rabbit I'm chasing? What if, like so many dreams before, this one dissolves when faced with the harsh light of logistics, finances, and the sheer complexity of building a transcontinental life?

This morning, I found myself flipping through old journals, curious about how many abandoned dreams they contain. The jewelry line I was going to launch. The podcast that never made it past episode three. The cooking blog I updated exactly twice. Pages filled with enthusiastic planning, vision boards carefully constructed, only to be left behind when the next inspiration struck.

Am I romanticizing this entire endeavour? Has Barcelona become a convenient canvas for projecting all my unfulfilled creative yearnings? After all, it's easy to imagine that life would be more artistic, more meaningful under Mediterranean skies. Perhaps my Toronto existence isn't missing anything except my full presence in it.

And then there's the question that keeps me up at night: